She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
