U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
