season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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