i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
