I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
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I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
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Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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