Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
