We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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