this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
