i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
