Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
