whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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