I can tuck mytits in my pants
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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