I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and she was petting her beer can
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
