He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
