I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
