We got so high we made milksteak
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
