I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
