He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
