Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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