peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
