I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
