I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
