One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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