What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
