There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
