My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
