Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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