I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
