i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
