she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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