I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
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Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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