I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
