hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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