They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
