I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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