im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
