Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
