we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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