I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
