is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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