then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
