Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
