Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
