mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
