Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
