btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
