Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My ass is underappreciated
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
