she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
