the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
where are my eyebrows?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
