yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
