I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
