i barfeds in our rink
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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