Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
