after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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