Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
