can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he shaved USA in his pubs
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
