I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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