Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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