There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
