I'm so fucking centered right now
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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