You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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