im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
