I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
