I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
