Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
