the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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