Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
