Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
