Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
