we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
