He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
