That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
