this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
