He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
