Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+31): View more from The Netherlands

I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.

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(585): View more from New York

im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed

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(719): View more from Colorado

Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.

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(406): View more from Montana

I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though

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(585): View more from New York

In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?

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(818): View more from California

more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt

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(269): View more from Michigan

he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass

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