Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
