ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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