When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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