we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
