Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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