I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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